I received my degree in Family Social Science 10 years ago.  After graduation I was slightly disappointed in myself for not getting a degree in something more practical, or even something with a license.  Now I see how fitting this degree really was for me as I truly have the heart of a family social scientist.

I love watching families, children, and parents... individually and dynamically.  How are they working together? How are they connecting? How are they thriving? What is getting in the way of connection, happiness, and balance? 

 Added to this I have extensive training in autism developmental play therapy, an approach that respects the child and asks for mostly love and curiosity in the workers (mainly parents.) This works hand in hand with my family social science background as I see each client on a systematic level interacting with their environment, family, and community as best they can in the bodies and with the brains they were given.

Then after all of that I too became a parent.  I had my own child to be fascinated with: with her development, personality, and world perception. Parenting changed my career path like nothing else.  I realized after becoming a parent that the most helpful thing a parent can have is trust in themselves.  Which is hard sometimes when there are millions of parenting styles, developmental approaches, and other people to push their advice on you.  On top of that, each child is so different that you can not possibly compare any one to another.  This I learned from the birth of my second child.  She was so different on day one from my oldest that I had to completely drop my old paradigm believing that nurture was more impactful than nature. While parenting is important, it was and is so obvious to me that my girls are very much wired differently. This means I have to parent them differently. Which I am still learning, is totally okay to do.

Sometimes I think we as parents get so caught up in what we "should" do with our kids that we stop paying attention for ourselves to what actually works with our kids.  We also expect ourselves to have all the answers right now and we put all sorts of expectations on our kids to respond consistently.  When they don't it can create battles, power struggles, guilt, and lack of trust in ourselves as parents.  On top of that there is usually two parents involved somehow (not to mention in-laws), so there are multiple ideas on how to parent.  This can create a whole other level or power struggles, confusion, and guilt. (Okay I can't really say that I'm speaking for everyone here, but it definitely feels like this for me sometimes).

This is where I think its kind of fun to let my social scientist step in.  Instead of acting as if all of my parenting methods are set in stone, I am constantly tweaking them.  First of all you should know that I have a belief that there is no one perfect way to raise a child. I also have a belief that we chose our families and lives for a reason and that all of life's lessons have value even if they can't be seen in the short term.  I also believe that I am human and not perfect and that's okay, but that I also have the ability to change my response and attitude in each moment. 

So with these beliefs I give myself the freedom to explore parenting techniques for each of my children individually and respectfully. Sometimes some techniques work better than others and I note that in my head and may or may not use that technique again.  Once I find techniques that work, I use them on a regular basis (noticing when they don't work well and possibly tweaking them again).   My children are still young so I won't pretend that I know everything about raising children.  However I know that this is working well for my family and it feels a whole lot better than allowing myself to feel insecure about my parenting being different from someone else's.

To those of you with children with autism this is how I would recommend running home based play programs as well.  There are a lot of different professionals out there who will tell you a lot of different ways to raise or help your child.  However each child with autism is so different and YOU know them better than anyone.  As long as you are approaching your child with love and respect, it is more than okay to experiment with different methods that make sense to you.  Just pay attention to your child and see if it helps him/her connect, stay balanced, and grow.  Let your child be your guide with what works and what doesn't.

I wish you all ease, trust, and happiness in your own parenting.  Please let me know if I can ever be of service to you.

Best wishes,
Katrina

Every time I finish my work with a client it is bittersweet.  There are so many memories that we share, so many smiles we had, so much challenge, so much encouragement, so much victory.  And then I leave, never knowing when or how often I will see them again.  The nature of my work is that this happens often for me.  Families usually hire me for short term inspiration. When I work with their children I come, I play, I laugh, I leave.  No matter how short my time with them though each child leaves a lasting impression on my soul and teaches me so much about life and how to help future children.

This past week was slightly different.  For the last year I have had the opportunity to once again be a part of a full time team. I played with Swames, (my name changed friend with autism) twice a week creating games, having adventures, or sometimes just spending hours building lincoln logs. Now our paths are both changing, and he's headed towards school!  I'm squeaking with excitement for this new stage and yet I will miss one of my closest little buddies who again has taught me so much.

When I first started working with Swames using play-based therapy he hardly looked at me.  He had a fairly lengthy attention span but was not open to many games.  He also had a large vocabulary but he couldn't hold a conversation.  Wow, have times changed! I've also changed a lot too.  Having the opportunity to once again work with a child intensively for so long gave me the freedom and flexibility to experiment with and discover new techniques and really have the time to see them work.  I was able to redirect my business and help families even more after I discovered my new found techniques.  (Short version - the relationship is so important, the rest of the techniques are secondary!)  This lead me to take on new clients using the new techniques - and wowee, there is so much you can accomplish through play and acceptance!

Swames was there for me in a hectic time in my life just as much as I was for him.  When I first started with him he would climb all over his Mom while we talked telling her how much he loved her.  I would always smile, loving that relationship they had.  A couple of months ago he started doing the same to me.  Now I am frequently told as the door is answered, and throughout my sessions how much I am loved.  And I love that monkey right back!

Swames has reminded me all about the roller coaster ride of change and recovery.  Some weeks there are huge changes, some weeks it is slower, and some weeks might be all about the joining.  You can't judge anything about what you see on the outside because it really is a journey and each child goes at their own speed.  Each phase is just as important with rebuilding the brain, you need the slow times to pave the way for the fast times.

That's why its important to document your journey, keep track (even if its just yourself in a journal) of all the little changes - they add up to big ones!  I worked with Swames (with the rest of our all star team) on so many levels.  Now Swames looks nearly constantly, he can have a conversation for hours.  He is open to trying new things, he role plays, he negotiates, sometimes it seems there is nothing he can't do!

As he now starts on the next leg of his journey transitioning to school, I know that there will continue to be challenges. However he has the foundational skills, the courage and the confidence to tackle them. With his team continuing to work on the nuances that present themselves I have no doubt that my little Swames is set up to be a superstar in his life!  

I'm so excited for all that you will do Swames, I can't wait to hear about it.  I will be cheering you on from here!
Thank you so much for all you taught me and for being my friend!


love, love, love, 
Katrina

Joey is my brother in law.  He is 26 and lives with his fellow special friends in a group home in North Dakota.  He doesn't talk much, and mostly communicates through grunts, pulling you in different directions, or hugs. He has a lot of physical challenges, he shakes his head a lot, and its not very easy to tell where he is looking. He is awesome!

Joey and I were able to reconnect a couple of weeks ago right before Christmas.  My family (my husband and daughters) decided that in order to really connect with Joey we needed to get him away.  There are too many distractions around the family house and his group home, and there are usually many other things to do, which stop us from really spending quality time.  So, we rented a cabin a few hours north near the Canadian border.  It had a big fireplace and 3 large futon couches that converted to beds. It also had a large table, a small boombox and a kitchen and bathroom. Outside it was just us, a forest, and a lake.  It was the perfect getaway.

Now to be totally fair it was not very non-distracting.  It was a large simple cabin, but we had 5 people in it, including 2 toddlers.  The girls quickly decorated the place by taking out every piece of plastic kitchenware and setting it up on the many coffee tables (each futon had its own table).  They then "made food" for everyone and tried to feed Joey.  Joey isn't really into pretend food.  So when he didn't respond to my daughter's demands that he eat,  it was the perfect opportunity to teach my 3 year old about bonding with Uncle Joey by playing his games first.  We had fun doing the "Joey shuffle" and noticing how comforting it was to stand with our backs against the wall.   We even practiced what it would be like to not talk, and how would we get people to know what we wanted?

Joey loved the attention, but he really needed it to be on his own terms.  When we turned on the music and started to dance (one of Joey's favorite activities), he would dance with me, but not his nieces.  I taught my daughters that Uncle Joey needed time to get used to new ideas and that we could help him, by telling him what we were hoping would happen and giving him lots of time to respond.   I picked up my youngest (pictured above) and asked Joey if he would like to dance with her.  Joey quickly dropped my hands and backed himself up against the wall.  I told him that was totally okay by me, but we would be right here if he wanted to try.  We didn't move for a few moments, Joey came back to us of his own free will and started playing with my daughter's shoulder as he moved back and forth.  Joey was dancing with her!   I was so surprised as he continued to join in all of our activities all night long, as long as we gave him lots and lots of time to respond on his own.

I was also amazed at how often Joey initiated activities and getting his needs met, by coming up to me and taking my hand.  Joey is a slow mover and when I'm not working with Joey, I often had other things on my mind and didn't always take the time to see what he wanted.  On this night, I really was paying attention to Joey. When he would come to me, he would grab my hand or shoulder, but he wouldn't move right away.  I would ask him what he wanted, and wait.  Sometimes he would move right away, other times it took him minutes to respond, but I just waited.  Every single time he would eventually lead me to something: food, the bathroom, the music, the couches.   In the past Joey usually seemed okay to go with the flow, but this was the first time I had ever seen Joey really initiating interaction with me when we were not in a playroom.  It was amazing, and I wondered how often he is trying to communicate, but no one is listening.

As an autism play therapist, I have worked with hundreds and hundreds of children and adults with special needs.  I have seen the power of "the pause" before, but I don't think I ever really understood it until this past Christmas.  Every person has their own processing time, and some take much much longer than others.  If we can really be present with our children and happily wait until their brains and bodies are caught up, I wonder how many amazing things they can show us they are already capable of!

 I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and that 2013 will be an even more amazing year than the past one!
Best wishes,
Katrina

Wow, its been awhile since I've written a blog, Believe me I haven't forgotten about you old blog friend, I've just been readjusting to my new life.   Anyone ever wonder what happened to Katrina Kramlich after she stopped appearing in those playful youtubes?

       As I sit here in my hotel room on the eve of an outreach, I think about my glorious years since then...(key time warp chime music)....I left the mountains in 2010 as a Senior Facilitator so that I could bring play therapy closer to my home, and also so that I could spend more time with my growing family.  I left Sheffield, MA with my awesome husband and my one year old daughter in tow and we left to travel the midwest and eventually settle in my parents' home of Albuquerque, NM.   It was here, that I found out I was pregnant with my second daughter.  I decided to dedicate myself to my little ones while they were babes, because I just loved them so much, so I took a year and a half off working.  Although I still very much loved (and still do) to apply play therapy techniques with my own family (you should see us trying to get the picky toddler girls to eat at mealtimes - lol) and even "volunteered" with an awesome 7 year old friend to keep me in "my game" ;)  

    Finally, after convincing my husband to move back to Minneapolis, MN (one of the loves of my life!) in the summer of 2012, I began working again.  We outreached our way up from Albuquerque through the midwest. Then we settled for a month in North Dakota, home of my amazing brother in law, (somewhere on the spectrum) who connected me back to the power of the relationship.  This only fueled my mission to truly help as many children with special capabilities (aka autism) that I could.  And those that I could not reach myself I would empower and suport their own parents and team to help them.  

I brought that enthusiasm with me when we moved back to the city and I now provide autism therapy and treatment in Minneapolis and all over Minnesota. I get to help people on many different levels.  I play with my local friends here in the twin cities (St. Paul and Minneapolis together for those not from around here) on a regular or as needed basis, and teach families through observation.   I also do 2 or more day outreaches to wherever people want me to (within my schedule).   And last but certainly not least, I help friends worldwide over the internet in all stages of their home therapy programs through my "Ask a Playroom Expert" videos and consults.  I also love hearing people's stories on a day to day level through facebook and email.  I really feel a part of everyone's team, which is my dream come true!  I love my job so much!

    All of you out there running a home therapy play program for your child with autism, interested in running a home therapy program, or who have already ran your program,   I live and breath finding and creating more ways to help you.  I think what you are doing is amazing on every level, and I just want to keep helping you and finding more ways to help you even more.  One of the amazing parts about working for yourself (not the bookwork or accounting, bleh!), is that you get to choose whatever you want to do.  I love talking with you and your team, I love sharing my knowledge with you, I love supporting and inspiring you to think for yourself and go further with how you can help, and give your world to your child.   I love spending my time with you even if its through the internet like this.   I truly believe we are a community who needs as much support as we can get (well I think all people do, but at least parents of children with autism are ready to admit it ;)  And I want to give you as much support as I can.  Now in addition to everything I do now I am dreaming more ways to bring you even more support. Keep checking back with me to see if they are in place.   And also if you've ever had an idea of ways that would be helpful, let me know, because I love dreaming up new services and many times parents are so helpful to me with creating them!

In the meantime keep me in the loop with your lives.  I love it!
Best wishes,
Katrina