Help the Leprechaun reach the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!.

Tools Needed:
String (long enough to go across the room - amount equal to leprechaun pictures)
Balloons (amount equal to number of leprechaun pictures)
Straws
Picture of Pot of Gold at end of rainbow (you can draw or search google images and print)
Pictures of Leprechauns - as many as you wish (you can draw them or find images from google images)

Set Up and Play:
With or without your child (depending upon how involved they want to be) tape the pot of gold up in the room.   Tape the end pieces of string to the picture of the pot of gold (as many as leprechaun pictures you have). Thread the string through straws.   Blow up a balloon (don't tie it off) and tape the leprechaun picture over the straw to the balloon (see picture 1).   Let the balloon go and it will fly to the pot of gold (or it might not make it all the way and you have to keep doing it until it gets there! Do it with all your balloons. 

This game is great to work on attention span, physical participation, playing others games.  It will be enjoyed by kids throughout the spectrum.  It can also be varied to work on many other goals. Here are a few ideas...

-You could work on eye contact while you blow up the balloon
-You could work on longer sentences while your child tells you where to send the balloon (maybe there are several pots of gold?)
-Feel free to add in more ideas in the comments below!

I played this game with one of my favorite friends with autism in the playroom and it was a hit, then I brought it back and my own girls loved it!  This game is fun for everyone!!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I received my degree in Family Social Science 10 years ago.  After graduation I was slightly disappointed in myself for not getting a degree in something more practical, or even something with a license.  Now I see how fitting this degree really was for me as I truly have the heart of a family social scientist.

I love watching families, children, and parents... individually and dynamically.  How are they working together? How are they connecting? How are they thriving? What is getting in the way of connection, happiness, and balance? 

 Added to this I have extensive training in autism developmental play therapy, an approach that respects the child and asks for mostly love and curiosity in the workers (mainly parents.) This works hand in hand with my family social science background as I see each client on a systematic level interacting with their environment, family, and community as best they can in the bodies and with the brains they were given.

Then after all of that I too became a parent.  I had my own child to be fascinated with: with her development, personality, and world perception. Parenting changed my career path like nothing else.  I realized after becoming a parent that the most helpful thing a parent can have is trust in themselves.  Which is hard sometimes when there are millions of parenting styles, developmental approaches, and other people to push their advice on you.  On top of that, each child is so different that you can not possibly compare any one to another.  This I learned from the birth of my second child.  She was so different on day one from my oldest that I had to completely drop my old paradigm believing that nurture was more impactful than nature. While parenting is important, it was and is so obvious to me that my girls are very much wired differently. This means I have to parent them differently. Which I am still learning, is totally okay to do.

Sometimes I think we as parents get so caught up in what we "should" do with our kids that we stop paying attention for ourselves to what actually works with our kids.  We also expect ourselves to have all the answers right now and we put all sorts of expectations on our kids to respond consistently.  When they don't it can create battles, power struggles, guilt, and lack of trust in ourselves as parents.  On top of that there is usually two parents involved somehow (not to mention in-laws), so there are multiple ideas on how to parent.  This can create a whole other level or power struggles, confusion, and guilt. (Okay I can't really say that I'm speaking for everyone here, but it definitely feels like this for me sometimes).

This is where I think its kind of fun to let my social scientist step in.  Instead of acting as if all of my parenting methods are set in stone, I am constantly tweaking them.  First of all you should know that I have a belief that there is no one perfect way to raise a child. I also have a belief that we chose our families and lives for a reason and that all of life's lessons have value even if they can't be seen in the short term.  I also believe that I am human and not perfect and that's okay, but that I also have the ability to change my response and attitude in each moment. 

So with these beliefs I give myself the freedom to explore parenting techniques for each of my children individually and respectfully. Sometimes some techniques work better than others and I note that in my head and may or may not use that technique again.  Once I find techniques that work, I use them on a regular basis (noticing when they don't work well and possibly tweaking them again).   My children are still young so I won't pretend that I know everything about raising children.  However I know that this is working well for my family and it feels a whole lot better than allowing myself to feel insecure about my parenting being different from someone else's.

To those of you with children with autism this is how I would recommend running home based play programs as well.  There are a lot of different professionals out there who will tell you a lot of different ways to raise or help your child.  However each child with autism is so different and YOU know them better than anyone.  As long as you are approaching your child with love and respect, it is more than okay to experiment with different methods that make sense to you.  Just pay attention to your child and see if it helps him/her connect, stay balanced, and grow.  Let your child be your guide with what works and what doesn't.

I wish you all ease, trust, and happiness in your own parenting.  Please let me know if I can ever be of service to you.

Best wishes,
Katrina

I created this video for you to learn more about the wonderful technique of joining.  Please feel free to use it in your team meetings, to train your staff, spouses, volunteers, or just for a bit of inspiration.  If you would ever like me to make a personalized video explaining techniques, concepts, or answering your specific questions on how to connect, play, and inspire your child please check out my services page.
Best wishes,
Katrina

Every time I finish my work with a client it is bittersweet.  There are so many memories that we share, so many smiles we had, so much challenge, so much encouragement, so much victory.  And then I leave, never knowing when or how often I will see them again.  The nature of my work is that this happens often for me.  Families usually hire me for short term inspiration. When I work with their children I come, I play, I laugh, I leave.  No matter how short my time with them though each child leaves a lasting impression on my soul and teaches me so much about life and how to help future children.

This past week was slightly different.  For the last year I have had the opportunity to once again be a part of a full time team. I played with Swames, (my name changed friend with autism) twice a week creating games, having adventures, or sometimes just spending hours building lincoln logs. Now our paths are both changing, and he's headed towards school!  I'm squeaking with excitement for this new stage and yet I will miss one of my closest little buddies who again has taught me so much.

When I first started working with Swames using play-based therapy he hardly looked at me.  He had a fairly lengthy attention span but was not open to many games.  He also had a large vocabulary but he couldn't hold a conversation.  Wow, have times changed! I've also changed a lot too.  Having the opportunity to once again work with a child intensively for so long gave me the freedom and flexibility to experiment with and discover new techniques and really have the time to see them work.  I was able to redirect my business and help families even more after I discovered my new found techniques.  (Short version - the relationship is so important, the rest of the techniques are secondary!)  This lead me to take on new clients using the new techniques - and wowee, there is so much you can accomplish through play and acceptance!

Swames was there for me in a hectic time in my life just as much as I was for him.  When I first started with him he would climb all over his Mom while we talked telling her how much he loved her.  I would always smile, loving that relationship they had.  A couple of months ago he started doing the same to me.  Now I am frequently told as the door is answered, and throughout my sessions how much I am loved.  And I love that monkey right back!

Swames has reminded me all about the roller coaster ride of change and recovery.  Some weeks there are huge changes, some weeks it is slower, and some weeks might be all about the joining.  You can't judge anything about what you see on the outside because it really is a journey and each child goes at their own speed.  Each phase is just as important with rebuilding the brain, you need the slow times to pave the way for the fast times.

That's why its important to document your journey, keep track (even if its just yourself in a journal) of all the little changes - they add up to big ones!  I worked with Swames (with the rest of our all star team) on so many levels.  Now Swames looks nearly constantly, he can have a conversation for hours.  He is open to trying new things, he role plays, he negotiates, sometimes it seems there is nothing he can't do!

As he now starts on the next leg of his journey transitioning to school, I know that there will continue to be challenges. However he has the foundational skills, the courage and the confidence to tackle them. With his team continuing to work on the nuances that present themselves I have no doubt that my little Swames is set up to be a superstar in his life!  

I'm so excited for all that you will do Swames, I can't wait to hear about it.  I will be cheering you on from here!
Thank you so much for all you taught me and for being my friend!


love, love, love, 
Katrina

In a consult awhile back a Mom observed me giving feedback to a volunteer in her home play-based therapy program for her daughter with autism.  In the feedback I asked the volunteer a lot about how he felt, what his instincts were telling him, and I helped him realize that its important to notice the child's response and be able to adjust and bring your thoughts, experiences, and learnings back to the whole team.  We talked about how he is the only one with the child for that 2 hours, and his experiences whether similar or different to others were uniquely his. I expressed great appreciation towards him, his willingness to help the child and the family, and to learn more for future children.

Afterwards the Mom and I chatted about the feedback.  She realized that most of her feedbacks were mostly about how her team members should change instead of how they could contribute and help the team grow (and a little about exploring more effective ways to play). She had never thought about how celebrations were motivating to her team as well as her child. We talked more about how the more her individual team members feel like they are a valued, contributing member of her program, the more committed they will be to her child and the team.

Well, a month passed and we just had another consult.  Her program is doing amazing and the Mom just told me of how she has whole heartily taken on this concept of empowering her team.  When one member of her team expressed his desire to cut back playroom hours because of a busy schedule she asked him whether or not he was still interested in helping with the program.  When he convinced her he was, she asked if he would be willing to help the team in other ways besides playing.  He enthusiastically agreed to help recruit, watch the child for team meetings, and take over shifts when others were out. She said that he has since been very excited to find ways that he can help the team.  Similarly she has presented the opportunity to help in other ways to other team members.  Some team members take on the bulk of play hours and help recruit, orient, and train new team members.  Others play a few hours and then help with designing games, building a team website and spreading the word.

Even though her team is relatively new, they have all profoundly felt like they were a part of the team and are committed to seeing their home program succeed.  As you can imagine I was beyond impressed at how one woman's willingness to give her team more responsibility has paid off into a much more powerful home play based program.  One that benefits everyone, especially the Mom who is willing to trust her team.

I hope this inspires you as much as it inspired me!  Happy Playing! - Katrina

Recently I was at the lake with my family on vacation.  Our cousin had brought his boat and we all took turns going out on the water.  I was on the 2nd boating adventure and was told all of the kids were riding on a training water ski tube, it was easy and I should do it first this trip even though I had never done it.   I asked for directions and was told to hold the rope with my arms straight and lean back.  All the kids were doing it, so I agreed to give it an enthusiastic go.  

As I got on the tube out on the water I told them to "hit it", the boat started going fast with me dragged behind it.   I held my arms straight it didn't feel right, but that's what I was told to do, so I stood up and leaned back...and immediately flipped over into the water.   Hmmmm, what was I not doing right?   I was told I was the first to end up in the water that day.  Determined I tried again - this time I listened a bit more to my body and I held on for a little bit, but when I was feeling confident again I held out my arms and leaned back and again I flipped immediately.  While the water was refreshing, my ego was bruised.  How could I not do what all of the kids were easily doing?  I decided to take a break, watch the others and learn from the pros.

As I watched my young nieces take turns managing the jet ski tube with little effort and enjoying the ride, I realized that no one was leaning back or keeping their arms straight.  Instead they were all paying attention to what works for them, balancing, and rebalancing accordingly. I decided to give it another shot without worrying about the rules of how I was told to do it.  I got out on the water, experimented and listened to my own body, and low and behold - it was as easy as everyone had told me.  I stood doing what was right for me, leaning a bit forward with my arms pulled in at my side. I never flipped once and it was awesomely exhilarating. 

As I sat on the boat afterwards contemplating my journey, I realized how similar it is to running a home therapy program. Many parents come to me worried that they are not running their program "right."  They want to hear the perfect techniques to get their child to engage and grow. I was very much like this when I started my training, I was very frustrated that my teachers would not just tell me the "right" way to do things.  I now know that what they were trying to teach me all those years ago was to simply trust myself, experiment, and pay attention to what works best. I wish they would have just told me what I am now telling you. If you take the techniques you read here, or from going to programs, or reading books and you are using them and they don't feel comfortable to you, It may be because you are trying too hard to do the "right" thing.

Growing a trusting, inspiring relationship with your child cannot just be taught from books or other peoples rules.  It is also about trusting yourself, that you are an expert on your child and what works best for your family. No one is watching you (unless you want to book a video feedback), so relax, have fun, pay attention to what works with you and your child - balance, rebalance and enjoy the ride!

More and more parents of children with autism are realizing that in order to get the kind of child centered therapy with the gratifying results they've dreamed of they have to take matters into their own hands.  Schools and therapy centers unfortunately do not have the time, resources, or dedication to make as much of an impact as caregivers can at home.  So, how does one go about starting their own home play based therapy program?

1. Commit to trying a home program out.  (Making the decision and following through is one of the most powerful things you can do.)
2. Find a place in your house that you can work with your child. (A quiet non-distracting room is best, but playing with your child is the most important, don't wait until you have the perfect room.)
3. Designate a time that you will play with your child 1 on 1, uninterrupted. (This is the hardest part, if you can do this, you can do a home therapy program!)  It's simply about making your child the priority for that time, decide to wait to do the dishes, turn off the TV, ignore facebook and your emails and give your child your undivided attention for at least 30 minutes.  
4. Go play!  When you are playing, focus completely on your child.  If your mind wanders to something else, acknowledge it, but then go back to focusing on your child.  Really play for the benefit of enjoying and learning about your child.  What makes them laugh, what makes them pause, what makes them back away?  Try to be responsive and respectful.  I often think of this type of play as "the golden rule", play with your child as you would have someone play with you.   If they seem to enjoy what is happening, keep going, add even more goofiness!   If your child is unresponsive and seems as if they aren't into the interaction, back off and find a way to enjoy what they are doing with them (or the same thing across the room) until them become interactive again.  Being respectful of your child's verbal or non-verbal no is just as important as the interactions themselves in creating a relationship.  Be easy on yourself, "dance like no one is watching," and reconnect to the give and take of childhood play.  (Here are some easy go to games to try - tickle, balloons, bubbles, chase, horsey rides, or even better play something you know your child loves such as reenacting Star Wars)  Start with one idea and just add on more and more as you play.

That's the basics!  There are many more advanced techniques and lots of different types of developmental play based approaches to look into that have different ways of requesting and working on skills.  I find all of them have benefit, the key is to try them out and see which one works for your child.  Each child is different and will respond in different ways.   I really find that the more in tune you are with your child, and the more fun you are having and not worrying too much about goals, you will find ways to model the skills you want to teach and your child will pick them up naturally.

 You as the parent know more about your child then anyone, and because you love them and already have a relationship with them you are the perfect person to help them develop their relationship building skills in a supportive environment which is key for many children, especially those with autism.  I guarantee that the time you spend with your child in this way will be worth it to you and them!!!!!  I know that you have what it takes and all the resources you need to be successful in your home therapy program. If you find yourself looking for a little more guidance, an ear to bounce ideas off of, or a burst of inspiration. I am here for you.
 
Best wishes and Happy Playing!
Katrina

I have an almost 2 year old daughter.  She is excited, gutsy, and adventurous, she has been since she was a baby.  She has also always been very intense.  Lately as she is getting older and testing her boundaries, we are seeing her cry more often.  When she doesn't get her way instantly, she breaks down...loudly.  

Luckily for me, I don't let crying affect me negatively (most of the time).  I know in these boundary setting instances that all of her needs are met and that she is strong enough to handle it. I know that she is doing the best that she can in this circumstance. I know that crying may actually help lower her stress and organize her sensory systems. I also trust myself enough to believe that I have reasons my baby does not understand and that I too am doing the best I can in this circumstance. So when she cries for awhile after I set a boundary, and I am done offering my complementary hug, I continue my day.  Now before you get your feathers flustered, I do first explain everything, offer her alternatives to what she wants and can't have, or make sure her needs are met.  In this situation though I am talking about when she wants something that I have set a boundary on.  Such as, no more juice, its not time to go outside, or your sister had that first and of course the occasional - we are all done with the ipad.

In these instances, I see my daughter's crying as expressing her displeasure and attempting to get her way.  Occasionally people reward this type of crying by moving faster and running to save the child. However, I know that there are going to be millions of times in her life in which she won't get her way.  Even though she is very young, I know she is old enough to understand that sometimes we all don't get what we want.  By letting her cry in a loving supporting environment, I am giving her a safe way to learn that she can be happy even if she doesn't get what she wants.  I have seen that the more consistent my husband and I are at this the quicker my daughter gets over her tears (although in her case she still frequently tries them out).

When talking to parents about this strategy I often find them saying.  "I don't like to see my child unhappy, or it hurts me."  But look at what you are then reinforcing to your child. The more they cry and you give in (even if its after 5 minutes) you are actually teaching them that crying works.  That if something doesn't go your way you should cry...loudly...until someone fixes it for you.  You are also reinforcing to your child that they are not in control of their emotions and that you don't believe they are strong enough or capable enough of self-regulating.  Our children are smart, creative thinkers.  If they have discovered that by crying long enough Mommy, Daddy or Suzy will get uncomfortable enough and give in to the boundary - believe me they will do it over and over again!

If you follow my work then you know that I believe children can do anything. They can learn to talk, they can make friends, and yes...then can be happy when things don't go their way.  It is a very important life skill, one that can be taught to any child, and in my mind, the sooner the easier for all.   I hope this helps you to empower your own children to practice the skill of things not going their way gracefully.  All of these techniques work just as well with children with autism, I see it on a daily basis.  Please let me know if I can ever be of help to you in any way.  Happy Playing!
Best wishes,
Katrina

P.S.   This is only one of the techniques I use in crying - and this blog specifically is about around the house boundary setting.  In the playroom you may have more time to go into it with your child (although for many children with autism the more you talk about it, the more upset they become - moving your energy away is especially useful to an overstimulated brain).  To see a more comprehensive view of my crying techniques check out my other blogs.

 I am honored to be able to work with a special boy every week.  His Mom is running a stellar full time home therapy program complete with team meetings to keep all of us up to date and consistent in our techniques and strategies. (I frequently help other teams run these as well, they are so helpful and needed when you have more than one person working with your child) She opens the meetings with different centering exercises to focus and inspire us.  The most recent activity that we did was to experiment with how we feel when others watch us with different expressions.  We paired off. One person (the child) drew a picture of the other person with their non-dominant hand, while the other person (the facilitator) watched.  We had 3 different run throughs, the first time the facilitator watched and celebrated with excitement, energy, and enthusiasm.  The 2nd time they just sat there, and the 3rd time they practiced a technique from the "Anat Baniel Method" called Enthusiasm, in which you silently love and appreciate everything the child is doing.  (We have been experimenting with all of these things with our special friend in the playroom too, so it was all pretty relevant).

       We all agreed that the celebrations actually felt the best to us as the child, even though the enthusiasm felt nice too.  Oddly in comparison to the other 2 techniques I actually felt when the facilitator just sat and watched with no expression, it was almost a negative experience.  I have done variations of this exercise before, but I love it every time as it really shows you the power of celebrating your child.

      Anyway, when I work with this boy in the playroom he does a lot of building exclusively with lincoln logs.  However the way he likes me to join him best (I wait until a child is wanting to engage with me before I try to interact), is to watch him build his structures.  Often we have a little bit of conversation about the building during this but not much.  Again today while I was lovingly and excitedly watching him, he made comments on what he was doing and what step he was on.  Occasionally I said mmm-hmmm, as a way to be with him in the moment.  He told me "Don't say mmm-hmmm!"  Then he clarified "YOU (with an emphasis on the you) are not allowed to say mmm-hmmm."  This was curious to me, so I asked him if others were allowed to say it and he told me yes.  Only I was not allowed to say" mmm-hmmm."  I quickly agreed with him and asked if I was allowed to say other things.  As it turns out I was allowed to say anything celebratory, like "cool", "awesome", or "I love that."  This was not the first time I had been scolded for saying "mmm-hmm" as in previous sessions this happened as well, although it was the first time I questioned it further.

I smiled and took his demands willingly as I continued to watch and celebrate his incredible lincoln log building design choices and skills. Later, I reflected on the exercise done in the team meeting and I was wondering how it felt to have someone say "mmm-hmm" to everything. I wondered if I was saying "mmm-hmm" as I was getting distracted and letting my mind wander.  Or maybe "mmm-hmm" is just not enthusiastic enough for him. By him calling me on it, was he bringing my attention back to the present moment? Is he telling me he likes to be celebrated more than just responded to?  I cannot presume to know my friends thoughts, but it definitely gave me some food for thought.  Our words and attitude are very important to our children.  Even when we are watching and joining they can feel our love, acceptance, and excitement.

I hope this gives you something to think about to.
Much love to you all!
Katrina