I try to frequently send out tips through social media.  I feel I am lucky to know a lot of great techniques to help connect with children with autism and I like to share what I know. Recently I opened up Facebook and this is what I wrote:

I love playing. I love finding kid's (and adults) motivations and then making them laugh and laugh. I love finding any interest and then making it more interesting and then finding ways to help kids practice skills while helping them get more of what they want. I love convincing people that they are powerful and capable of anything they want, whether it be kids or parents. I love helping adults connect to their kids and kids to their adults. I love the silence and contemplation of kids with autism just as much as the engagement and laughter. I love the new moments and seeing kids see and hear and experience themselves do new things. I love building confidence and love and trust. I love love. I love my job! Have a great weekend! Hug your kiddo for me!

I didn't originally intend to publish it, but letting myself go on and on about what I love about my job was fun and it left me feeling really excited about what I do.  If you are ever feeling "stuck" in the playroom or a little unmotivated give yourself a moment to write out, type out, or even leave yourself a voice memo going over what you love about playing in the playroom.  You will find that once you start yourself thinking about fun and uplifting moments you are opening up your brain to think of even more fun moments. This then helps you to envision future fun moments and might even bring some ideas to help with those future fun moments.  

Regardless, the more hopeful and excited you are the, more you help your perception of having a fun and inspiring play session come true.  Your enthusiastic attitude in the playroom is a wonderful and enticing model to your child of how you can be in life if you choose.  It will also help them play longer, try harder and help both of you have more fun.

Happy Playing!
​Katrina
​

 Hello wonderful friends, I’ve missed talking to you all. I have been traveling the country and visiting special friends all over the place. Just recently I had a new addition to my extended family, a nephew was born. As I was holding this beautiful child I started thinking of all the things I would love to share with him and what kind of world I wanted him to experience. 

Then I remembered a Q&A I did with a family who had a variety of different therapists working with their child and how they asked me all kinds of questions about what tasks I was focusing on with this little boy, what did I want him to learn? I told them I was focusing on the relationship, and I wanted him to learn that people were “cool” and the world was a fun place to be in and that was the most important thing to teach him. I saw them all nodding their heads and scribbling notes as if a light bulb just popped on, to think that liking people might be more important than stacking blocks, what an awesome concept!!!!

I smile now, but it really is an important concept to remember. Autistic children have a hard time in our “real” world. People are not predictable, or easy to understand. Other things are so much more controllable. One of our most important “tasks” when working with these children is to show them how easy people can be, how fun, how helpful, how worthwhile it is to share time with another person. I want you to always be thinking of what kind of world you are showing your child. I hope that it is one of joy, excitement, and of course love.

Wishing you all a happy holiday season!
Love,
Katrina

Let's talk boundary setting. I hear all too often "But I'm not supposed to say "no" in the playroom!"

Yes, it's a child-led room, but you still rule the house and are ultimately in charge of decisions. If there is ever something that you don't think is safe to you, your child or your property you can certainly adjust the situation.  I have to set boundaries all the time with children and it never affects our relationship when done comfortably and confidently.

The first step is to make a decision. Decide what your boundary is and stick to it. Try to be as comfortable as possible. Remember you are setting the boundary to keep everyone safe and be confident in your decision (if you are not, your child will know and may button push.)

2. Explain the boundary to your child. ("It's ruining the markers when you chew them. Keep them out of your mouth or I will take     them away.") The more straightforward the better so it's easier for your child to process.

3. Offer an alternative. ("Here, you can chew on this chew toy instead. Its safe for your teeth.")

   If your child follows your suggestion celebrate him/her for cooperating to keep everyone safe and healthy!

4. If your child persists with the behavior, take the item away and put it high on the shelf until the end of your session. (If your child fights you trying to hold the item just hold the other side of the item and neutrally hold onto it until your child lets go.

Remain calm and consistent (make sure the whole team enforces the same boundaries) and it shouldn't take your child too long to remember the boundary.

Of course each scenario is different, if you have questions, please ask. 

If you haven’t yet had the opportunity to volunteer in an improv/social skills acting class with a group of extraordinary actors who also happen to have autism, I would seriously recommend it.  It’s the fastest 45 minutes you will ever experience!

When Bonnie Neumann, founder of Drama Interaction wrote in my Minnesota autism and play group on facebook about her theater class for children with special needs, I had to find out more about it.  I had read some research recently into how theater programs had helped children learn social skills.  I have always loved theater (probably why I have no problem playing with a child while being videoed and watched by a team of staff.)  I called her up and offered to volunteer in order to learn more and see how it works.  I am so used to working with children one on one so the idea of a class of children with autism seemed a bit daunting to me and I wanted to see how it went. 

Bonnie is the perfect blend of cheerleader, facilitator, show person, people allower, and theater coach.  She grew up in theater, starting dancing when she was young and continuing to perform her whole life.  She designed the adaptive theater class many years ago with the help of Special Education Teachers. Bonnie wanted everyone to have the chance to experience theater and it just so turns out that theater gives everyone a chance to act out and process some of the little nuances of human interaction.  Thus it makes the perfect class to work on social skills too!

 The class followed a schedule that Bonnie customized for each day and allowed the students the opportunity to have plenty of movement while they acted.  It included activities like body warm ups, voice warm ups, tongue twisters, acting out emotions, acting out things that happen to you, theater games, improv games, practicing lines, acting out skits.  Each week built off the last week’s skills helping students ease into learning a performance.

 The staff was partly professional staff and educated volunteers. We participated as well in order to model the exercises and of course have fun.  There was enough staff for lots of encouragement and occasional individual attention when needed that didn’t distract from others.  Everyone was really accepting of everyone’s sensory needs and allowed for each person to stim/ism/take care of themselves and when appropriate encouraged them again to participate.

 I was blown away on the very first day by the amount of enthusiasm, participation and creativity of all the students in the class.  I helped out in 2 classes, one for children younger than 12 and one for teenagers between 12 and 18.  The students were all over the spectrum although they were all verbal.  The classes were 45 minutes each. While they followed a schedule, the classes varied a lot, the energy was often intense, and the concepts were all fairly new to all the kids.  Even so all the students did fantastic!  When it came time for add on storytelling at the end – I have never heard such creativity and big picture thinking.  It was incredible!

I think a lot of the fun and ease of the class goes to the incredibly accepting atmosphere that Drama Interaction puts forth.  We all were totally okay with whatever happened, if a student needed to run a bit, that was okay, we just gently brought them back.  If a student had a sensory meltdown there was no pressure to change and participate.  The students and staff did a great job supporting each other at exactly the stage they were at.

I think this sort of class would be rather easy to start for those who have some expertise.  I know it could help children everywhere if there are those generous souls who would be accepting enough and confident enough to look into these programs.  Bonnie certainly seems willing to help all she meets.

For those near the Twin Cities of Minnesota a new class is about to happen with Drama Interaction.  You still have to time to register.  Classes start next week, January 12th and there are various times throughout the metro area.  Here is the link for more information   http://www.cokartscenter.com/dramainteraction501c3.html     I know I will be back sometime in the future, its also mega fun to volunteer!

In the meantime, I have always considered playroom time with your child as a sort of improv theater.  We are always modeling social skills through fun and excitement in the playroom.  Children learn and process best through play and experience. The more excited we are to play with them, the more they will learn.  So the next time you go into the playroom, tap into your inner actor and amp up your animations.  The more expressive you are with your body and face the more engaged your child will be and the easier they will be able to interpret your body language.

Happy Playing!

Katrina

I have an almost 2 year old daughter.  She is excited, gutsy, and adventurous, she has been since she was a baby.  She has also always been very intense.  Lately as she is getting older and testing her boundaries, we are seeing her cry more often.  When she doesn't get her way instantly, she breaks down...loudly.  

Luckily for me, I don't let crying affect me negatively (most of the time).  I know in these boundary setting instances that all of her needs are met and that she is strong enough to handle it. I know that she is doing the best that she can in this circumstance. I know that crying may actually help lower her stress and organize her sensory systems. I also trust myself enough to believe that I have reasons my baby does not understand and that I too am doing the best I can in this circumstance. So when she cries for awhile after I set a boundary, and I am done offering my complementary hug, I continue my day.  Now before you get your feathers flustered, I do first explain everything, offer her alternatives to what she wants and can't have, or make sure her needs are met.  In this situation though I am talking about when she wants something that I have set a boundary on.  Such as, no more juice, its not time to go outside, or your sister had that first and of course the occasional - we are all done with the ipad.

In these instances, I see my daughter's crying as expressing her displeasure and attempting to get her way.  Occasionally people reward this type of crying by moving faster and running to save the child. However, I know that there are going to be millions of times in her life in which she won't get her way.  Even though she is very young, I know she is old enough to understand that sometimes we all don't get what we want.  By letting her cry in a loving supporting environment, I am giving her a safe way to learn that she can be happy even if she doesn't get what she wants.  I have seen that the more consistent my husband and I are at this the quicker my daughter gets over her tears (although in her case she still frequently tries them out).

When talking to parents about this strategy I often find them saying.  "I don't like to see my child unhappy, or it hurts me."  But look at what you are then reinforcing to your child. The more they cry and you give in (even if its after 5 minutes) you are actually teaching them that crying works.  That if something doesn't go your way you should cry...loudly...until someone fixes it for you.  You are also reinforcing to your child that they are not in control of their emotions and that you don't believe they are strong enough or capable enough of self-regulating.  Our children are smart, creative thinkers.  If they have discovered that by crying long enough Mommy, Daddy or Suzy will get uncomfortable enough and give in to the boundary - believe me they will do it over and over again!

If you follow my work then you know that I believe children can do anything. They can learn to talk, they can make friends, and yes...then can be happy when things don't go their way.  It is a very important life skill, one that can be taught to any child, and in my mind, the sooner the easier for all.   I hope this helps you to empower your own children to practice the skill of things not going their way gracefully.  All of these techniques work just as well with children with autism, I see it on a daily basis.  Please let me know if I can ever be of help to you in any way.  Happy Playing!
Best wishes,
Katrina

P.S.   This is only one of the techniques I use in crying - and this blog specifically is about around the house boundary setting.  In the playroom you may have more time to go into it with your child (although for many children with autism the more you talk about it, the more upset they become - moving your energy away is especially useful to an overstimulated brain).  To see a more comprehensive view of my crying techniques check out my other blogs.

 I am honored to be able to work with a special boy every week.  His Mom is running a stellar full time home therapy program complete with team meetings to keep all of us up to date and consistent in our techniques and strategies. (I frequently help other teams run these as well, they are so helpful and needed when you have more than one person working with your child) She opens the meetings with different centering exercises to focus and inspire us.  The most recent activity that we did was to experiment with how we feel when others watch us with different expressions.  We paired off. One person (the child) drew a picture of the other person with their non-dominant hand, while the other person (the facilitator) watched.  We had 3 different run throughs, the first time the facilitator watched and celebrated with excitement, energy, and enthusiasm.  The 2nd time they just sat there, and the 3rd time they practiced a technique from the "Anat Baniel Method" called Enthusiasm, in which you silently love and appreciate everything the child is doing.  (We have been experimenting with all of these things with our special friend in the playroom too, so it was all pretty relevant).

       We all agreed that the celebrations actually felt the best to us as the child, even though the enthusiasm felt nice too.  Oddly in comparison to the other 2 techniques I actually felt when the facilitator just sat and watched with no expression, it was almost a negative experience.  I have done variations of this exercise before, but I love it every time as it really shows you the power of celebrating your child.

      Anyway, when I work with this boy in the playroom he does a lot of building exclusively with lincoln logs.  However the way he likes me to join him best (I wait until a child is wanting to engage with me before I try to interact), is to watch him build his structures.  Often we have a little bit of conversation about the building during this but not much.  Again today while I was lovingly and excitedly watching him, he made comments on what he was doing and what step he was on.  Occasionally I said mmm-hmmm, as a way to be with him in the moment.  He told me "Don't say mmm-hmmm!"  Then he clarified "YOU (with an emphasis on the you) are not allowed to say mmm-hmmm."  This was curious to me, so I asked him if others were allowed to say it and he told me yes.  Only I was not allowed to say" mmm-hmmm."  I quickly agreed with him and asked if I was allowed to say other things.  As it turns out I was allowed to say anything celebratory, like "cool", "awesome", or "I love that."  This was not the first time I had been scolded for saying "mmm-hmm" as in previous sessions this happened as well, although it was the first time I questioned it further.

I smiled and took his demands willingly as I continued to watch and celebrate his incredible lincoln log building design choices and skills. Later, I reflected on the exercise done in the team meeting and I was wondering how it felt to have someone say "mmm-hmm" to everything. I wondered if I was saying "mmm-hmm" as I was getting distracted and letting my mind wander.  Or maybe "mmm-hmm" is just not enthusiastic enough for him. By him calling me on it, was he bringing my attention back to the present moment? Is he telling me he likes to be celebrated more than just responded to?  I cannot presume to know my friends thoughts, but it definitely gave me some food for thought.  Our words and attitude are very important to our children.  Even when we are watching and joining they can feel our love, acceptance, and excitement.

I hope this gives you something to think about to.
Much love to you all!
Katrina

Joey is my brother in law.  He is 26 and lives with his fellow special friends in a group home in North Dakota.  He doesn't talk much, and mostly communicates through grunts, pulling you in different directions, or hugs. He has a lot of physical challenges, he shakes his head a lot, and its not very easy to tell where he is looking. He is awesome!

Joey and I were able to reconnect a couple of weeks ago right before Christmas.  My family (my husband and daughters) decided that in order to really connect with Joey we needed to get him away.  There are too many distractions around the family house and his group home, and there are usually many other things to do, which stop us from really spending quality time.  So, we rented a cabin a few hours north near the Canadian border.  It had a big fireplace and 3 large futon couches that converted to beds. It also had a large table, a small boombox and a kitchen and bathroom. Outside it was just us, a forest, and a lake.  It was the perfect getaway.

Now to be totally fair it was not very non-distracting.  It was a large simple cabin, but we had 5 people in it, including 2 toddlers.  The girls quickly decorated the place by taking out every piece of plastic kitchenware and setting it up on the many coffee tables (each futon had its own table).  They then "made food" for everyone and tried to feed Joey.  Joey isn't really into pretend food.  So when he didn't respond to my daughter's demands that he eat,  it was the perfect opportunity to teach my 3 year old about bonding with Uncle Joey by playing his games first.  We had fun doing the "Joey shuffle" and noticing how comforting it was to stand with our backs against the wall.   We even practiced what it would be like to not talk, and how would we get people to know what we wanted?

Joey loved the attention, but he really needed it to be on his own terms.  When we turned on the music and started to dance (one of Joey's favorite activities), he would dance with me, but not his nieces.  I taught my daughters that Uncle Joey needed time to get used to new ideas and that we could help him, by telling him what we were hoping would happen and giving him lots of time to respond.   I picked up my youngest (pictured above) and asked Joey if he would like to dance with her.  Joey quickly dropped my hands and backed himself up against the wall.  I told him that was totally okay by me, but we would be right here if he wanted to try.  We didn't move for a few moments, Joey came back to us of his own free will and started playing with my daughter's shoulder as he moved back and forth.  Joey was dancing with her!   I was so surprised as he continued to join in all of our activities all night long, as long as we gave him lots and lots of time to respond on his own.

I was also amazed at how often Joey initiated activities and getting his needs met, by coming up to me and taking my hand.  Joey is a slow mover and when I'm not working with Joey, I often had other things on my mind and didn't always take the time to see what he wanted.  On this night, I really was paying attention to Joey. When he would come to me, he would grab my hand or shoulder, but he wouldn't move right away.  I would ask him what he wanted, and wait.  Sometimes he would move right away, other times it took him minutes to respond, but I just waited.  Every single time he would eventually lead me to something: food, the bathroom, the music, the couches.   In the past Joey usually seemed okay to go with the flow, but this was the first time I had ever seen Joey really initiating interaction with me when we were not in a playroom.  It was amazing, and I wondered how often he is trying to communicate, but no one is listening.

As an autism play therapist, I have worked with hundreds and hundreds of children and adults with special needs.  I have seen the power of "the pause" before, but I don't think I ever really understood it until this past Christmas.  Every person has their own processing time, and some take much much longer than others.  If we can really be present with our children and happily wait until their brains and bodies are caught up, I wonder how many amazing things they can show us they are already capable of!

 I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and that 2013 will be an even more amazing year than the past one!
Best wishes,
Katrina

Wow, its been awhile since I've written a blog, Believe me I haven't forgotten about you old blog friend, I've just been readjusting to my new life.   Anyone ever wonder what happened to Katrina Kramlich after she stopped appearing in those playful youtubes?

       As I sit here in my hotel room on the eve of an outreach, I think about my glorious years since then...(key time warp chime music)....I left the mountains in 2010 as a Senior Facilitator so that I could bring play therapy closer to my home, and also so that I could spend more time with my growing family.  I left Sheffield, MA with my awesome husband and my one year old daughter in tow and we left to travel the midwest and eventually settle in my parents' home of Albuquerque, NM.   It was here, that I found out I was pregnant with my second daughter.  I decided to dedicate myself to my little ones while they were babes, because I just loved them so much, so I took a year and a half off working.  Although I still very much loved (and still do) to apply play therapy techniques with my own family (you should see us trying to get the picky toddler girls to eat at mealtimes - lol) and even "volunteered" with an awesome 7 year old friend to keep me in "my game" ;)  

    Finally, after convincing my husband to move back to Minneapolis, MN (one of the loves of my life!) in the summer of 2012, I began working again.  We outreached our way up from Albuquerque through the midwest. Then we settled for a month in North Dakota, home of my amazing brother in law, (somewhere on the spectrum) who connected me back to the power of the relationship.  This only fueled my mission to truly help as many children with special capabilities (aka autism) that I could.  And those that I could not reach myself I would empower and suport their own parents and team to help them.  

I brought that enthusiasm with me when we moved back to the city and I now provide autism therapy and treatment in Minneapolis and all over Minnesota. I get to help people on many different levels.  I play with my local friends here in the twin cities (St. Paul and Minneapolis together for those not from around here) on a regular or as needed basis, and teach families through observation.   I also do 2 or more day outreaches to wherever people want me to (within my schedule).   And last but certainly not least, I help friends worldwide over the internet in all stages of their home therapy programs through my "Ask a Playroom Expert" videos and consults.  I also love hearing people's stories on a day to day level through facebook and email.  I really feel a part of everyone's team, which is my dream come true!  I love my job so much!

    All of you out there running a home therapy play program for your child with autism, interested in running a home therapy program, or who have already ran your program,   I live and breath finding and creating more ways to help you.  I think what you are doing is amazing on every level, and I just want to keep helping you and finding more ways to help you even more.  One of the amazing parts about working for yourself (not the bookwork or accounting, bleh!), is that you get to choose whatever you want to do.  I love talking with you and your team, I love sharing my knowledge with you, I love supporting and inspiring you to think for yourself and go further with how you can help, and give your world to your child.   I love spending my time with you even if its through the internet like this.   I truly believe we are a community who needs as much support as we can get (well I think all people do, but at least parents of children with autism are ready to admit it ;)  And I want to give you as much support as I can.  Now in addition to everything I do now I am dreaming more ways to bring you even more support. Keep checking back with me to see if they are in place.   And also if you've ever had an idea of ways that would be helpful, let me know, because I love dreaming up new services and many times parents are so helpful to me with creating them!

In the meantime keep me in the loop with your lives.  I love it!
Best wishes,
Katrina

Many times when I tell people about my job (that I do play therapy with children with autism) they respond...."Oh, you must have a lot of patience."  As if its something we are born with.  As if when God was handing out patience he gave some people a little and some a lot.  These people make it sound like my job is a hard one that they could never do because they weren't blessed with the "gift of patience".   Hmmm, every time I hear this I stop myself from rolling my eyes and saying something snarky such as "Yes, and I'm exercising my patience right now by listening to you say this same silly thing"
   To me, patience is a choice.  It is choosing to be in the moment, choosing to accept whatever is happening and make the best of it.  Believe me I don't have it all the time.  Just last night I really wanted to watch a movie and my 2 year old kept interrupting me so I could try her pretend food that she was "cooking" me.  Then she decided to forgo her potty training and pee on the kitchen floor.  I was frustrated and really wanted to step out the door and scream.  Then I caught myself, and thought about it, why was I frustrated? Because I wanted to do something different, I wanted my life to be different in that moment.  I was prioritizing my wants over my daughters.  Now, while I think that is okay to choose sometimes too, it didn't give me an easy pleasant feeling in that moment.  And I realized patience is a choice.
     Instead I decided I could watch the movie later, and I went to help my daughter.  Just like that my frustration was gone, and my "patience" had returned.  We can apply this in all aspects of our life, when we are feeling impatient, ask ourselves why?  And see if there is an easy way to mentally adjust our priorities to help ourselves feel calm. If you find yourself frustrated in the playroom, could it be because you are trying to push your agenda versus going with your child?  If you find yourself stressing while trying to get your child dressed in the morning, take a second to appreciate your child's perspective of the situation.   Take a moment to realize that you haven't used up all the patience God gave you yet.  Its always there for you to have when you need it.  
I hope this helps you as it helped me last night!
Love and Best wishes,
Katrina