Hello wonderful friends, I’ve missed talking to you all. I have been traveling the country and visiting special friends all over the place. Just recently I had a new addition to my extended family, a nephew was born. As I was holding this beautiful child I started thinking of all the things I would love to share with him and what kind of world I wanted him to experience. 

Then I remembered a Q&A I did with a family who had a variety of different therapists working with their child and how they asked me all kinds of questions about what tasks I was focusing on with this little boy, what did I want him to learn? I told them I was focusing on the relationship, and I wanted him to learn that people were “cool” and the world was a fun place to be in and that was the most important thing to teach him. I saw them all nodding their heads and scribbling notes as if a light bulb just popped on, to think that liking people might be more important than stacking blocks, what an awesome concept!!!!

I smile now, but it really is an important concept to remember. Autistic children have a hard time in our “real” world. People are not predictable, or easy to understand. Other things are so much more controllable. One of our most important “tasks” when working with these children is to show them how easy people can be, how fun, how helpful, how worthwhile it is to share time with another person. I want you to always be thinking of what kind of world you are showing your child. I hope that it is one of joy, excitement, and of course love.

Wishing you all a happy holiday season!
Love,
Katrina

Let's talk boundary setting. I hear all too often "But I'm not supposed to say "no" in the playroom!"

Yes, it's a child-led room, but you still rule the house and are ultimately in charge of decisions. If there is ever something that you don't think is safe to you, your child or your property you can certainly adjust the situation.  I have to set boundaries all the time with children and it never affects our relationship when done comfortably and confidently.

The first step is to make a decision. Decide what your boundary is and stick to it. Try to be as comfortable as possible. Remember you are setting the boundary to keep everyone safe and be confident in your decision (if you are not, your child will know and may button push.)

2. Explain the boundary to your child. ("It's ruining the markers when you chew them. Keep them out of your mouth or I will take     them away.") The more straightforward the better so it's easier for your child to process.

3. Offer an alternative. ("Here, you can chew on this chew toy instead. Its safe for your teeth.")

   If your child follows your suggestion celebrate him/her for cooperating to keep everyone safe and healthy!

4. If your child persists with the behavior, take the item away and put it high on the shelf until the end of your session. (If your child fights you trying to hold the item just hold the other side of the item and neutrally hold onto it until your child lets go.

Remain calm and consistent (make sure the whole team enforces the same boundaries) and it shouldn't take your child too long to remember the boundary.

Of course each scenario is different, if you have questions, please ask. 

I created this video for you to learn more about the wonderful technique of joining.  Please feel free to use it in your team meetings, to train your staff, spouses, volunteers, or just for a bit of inspiration.  If you would ever like me to make a personalized video explaining techniques, concepts, or answering your specific questions on how to connect, play, and inspire your child please check out my services page.
Best wishes,
Katrina

More and more parents of children with autism are realizing that in order to get the kind of child centered therapy with the gratifying results they've dreamed of they have to take matters into their own hands.  Schools and therapy centers unfortunately do not have the time, resources, or dedication to make as much of an impact as caregivers can at home.  So, how does one go about starting their own home play based therapy program?

1. Commit to trying a home program out.  (Making the decision and following through is one of the most powerful things you can do.)
2. Find a place in your house that you can work with your child. (A quiet non-distracting room is best, but playing with your child is the most important, don't wait until you have the perfect room.)
3. Designate a time that you will play with your child 1 on 1, uninterrupted. (This is the hardest part, if you can do this, you can do a home therapy program!)  It's simply about making your child the priority for that time, decide to wait to do the dishes, turn off the TV, ignore facebook and your emails and give your child your undivided attention for at least 30 minutes.  
4. Go play!  When you are playing, focus completely on your child.  If your mind wanders to something else, acknowledge it, but then go back to focusing on your child.  Really play for the benefit of enjoying and learning about your child.  What makes them laugh, what makes them pause, what makes them back away?  Try to be responsive and respectful.  I often think of this type of play as "the golden rule", play with your child as you would have someone play with you.   If they seem to enjoy what is happening, keep going, add even more goofiness!   If your child is unresponsive and seems as if they aren't into the interaction, back off and find a way to enjoy what they are doing with them (or the same thing across the room) until them become interactive again.  Being respectful of your child's verbal or non-verbal no is just as important as the interactions themselves in creating a relationship.  Be easy on yourself, "dance like no one is watching," and reconnect to the give and take of childhood play.  (Here are some easy go to games to try - tickle, balloons, bubbles, chase, horsey rides, or even better play something you know your child loves such as reenacting Star Wars)  Start with one idea and just add on more and more as you play.

That's the basics!  There are many more advanced techniques and lots of different types of developmental play based approaches to look into that have different ways of requesting and working on skills.  I find all of them have benefit, the key is to try them out and see which one works for your child.  Each child is different and will respond in different ways.   I really find that the more in tune you are with your child, and the more fun you are having and not worrying too much about goals, you will find ways to model the skills you want to teach and your child will pick them up naturally.

 You as the parent know more about your child then anyone, and because you love them and already have a relationship with them you are the perfect person to help them develop their relationship building skills in a supportive environment which is key for many children, especially those with autism.  I guarantee that the time you spend with your child in this way will be worth it to you and them!!!!!  I know that you have what it takes and all the resources you need to be successful in your home therapy program. If you find yourself looking for a little more guidance, an ear to bounce ideas off of, or a burst of inspiration. I am here for you.
 
Best wishes and Happy Playing!
Katrina

I have an almost 2 year old daughter.  She is excited, gutsy, and adventurous, she has been since she was a baby.  She has also always been very intense.  Lately as she is getting older and testing her boundaries, we are seeing her cry more often.  When she doesn't get her way instantly, she breaks down...loudly.  

Luckily for me, I don't let crying affect me negatively (most of the time).  I know in these boundary setting instances that all of her needs are met and that she is strong enough to handle it. I know that she is doing the best that she can in this circumstance. I know that crying may actually help lower her stress and organize her sensory systems. I also trust myself enough to believe that I have reasons my baby does not understand and that I too am doing the best I can in this circumstance. So when she cries for awhile after I set a boundary, and I am done offering my complementary hug, I continue my day.  Now before you get your feathers flustered, I do first explain everything, offer her alternatives to what she wants and can't have, or make sure her needs are met.  In this situation though I am talking about when she wants something that I have set a boundary on.  Such as, no more juice, its not time to go outside, or your sister had that first and of course the occasional - we are all done with the ipad.

In these instances, I see my daughter's crying as expressing her displeasure and attempting to get her way.  Occasionally people reward this type of crying by moving faster and running to save the child. However, I know that there are going to be millions of times in her life in which she won't get her way.  Even though she is very young, I know she is old enough to understand that sometimes we all don't get what we want.  By letting her cry in a loving supporting environment, I am giving her a safe way to learn that she can be happy even if she doesn't get what she wants.  I have seen that the more consistent my husband and I are at this the quicker my daughter gets over her tears (although in her case she still frequently tries them out).

When talking to parents about this strategy I often find them saying.  "I don't like to see my child unhappy, or it hurts me."  But look at what you are then reinforcing to your child. The more they cry and you give in (even if its after 5 minutes) you are actually teaching them that crying works.  That if something doesn't go your way you should cry...loudly...until someone fixes it for you.  You are also reinforcing to your child that they are not in control of their emotions and that you don't believe they are strong enough or capable enough of self-regulating.  Our children are smart, creative thinkers.  If they have discovered that by crying long enough Mommy, Daddy or Suzy will get uncomfortable enough and give in to the boundary - believe me they will do it over and over again!

If you follow my work then you know that I believe children can do anything. They can learn to talk, they can make friends, and yes...then can be happy when things don't go their way.  It is a very important life skill, one that can be taught to any child, and in my mind, the sooner the easier for all.   I hope this helps you to empower your own children to practice the skill of things not going their way gracefully.  All of these techniques work just as well with children with autism, I see it on a daily basis.  Please let me know if I can ever be of help to you in any way.  Happy Playing!
Best wishes,
Katrina

P.S.   This is only one of the techniques I use in crying - and this blog specifically is about around the house boundary setting.  In the playroom you may have more time to go into it with your child (although for many children with autism the more you talk about it, the more upset they become - moving your energy away is especially useful to an overstimulated brain).  To see a more comprehensive view of my crying techniques check out my other blogs.

I have a special friend that I get to work with on a regular basis.  His name is James.  I love him so much! 

Anyway, I brought in a game today designed for James.  He has been playing Candy land somewhat repetitiously with me lately , so it was designed around this motivation  Also, when asked a question in which he needs to state his opinion he typically says something like "everything", or "nothing" or "I don't know", so I wanted to give him some practice stating his opinion.

I had printed off pictures of Candy Land characters from Google Images.  I taped them to a wall and put an animal balloon around them like a licorice rope.  I then had a cowboy hat and a tape mustache and I myself was "Lord Licorice."  I had captured all of the CandyLand Characters  and put them under a secret spell and would only let them go when James answered a "secret" question.

Well, James promptly removed my "licorice rope", wrapped it around his foot and started talking about his latest obsession Viki - a mouse from Angelina Ballerina that he saw once and whom he would really like to live with him, despite the fact that she is a cartoon character who does not exist outside of the movies.   Following James lead, I too started lamenting about Viki not being with us.  She probably could help these Candy Land characters if she were here.   (this technique is incorporating a child's motivation into the current game) I wrapped some tape around my foot and we talked about how we wished the "real Viki" was with us even though we knew that could probably not happen.  James does not appreciate when we try to pretend to be Viki or make games with her not there (which is normally a technique I would try when a child likes characters).  I tried putting tape across the characters for more licorice rope, but James just kept removing it.  I did a dance of going with James motivation and talking about Viki and then trying to bring him back to my game.  I laughed aloud like Lord Licorice might and said "even Viki would not be powerful enough to break the spell on these characters."  Again, I tried putting up more tape, and James kept taking it down.  Playfully I said "Hey if you keep taking my licorice rope I am going to tie YOU up".  James reached out and grabbed the tape again, with a grin and a mischevious gleam in his eye, and I knew I had him.

James is a very physical guy who loves rough and tumble, but I always make sure to give him control and he knows if he says "stop," I will.  I tackled James and tickled him while I wrapped his legs in masking tape.  He laughed and laughed as he easily broke through my "licorice rope".   I taped him up again all while pretending I was Lord Licorice and he was "foiling my plans".  Once I knew James was really motivated - he was giggling up a storm, I introduced my challenge again.  I knew that James liked breaking through the tape, so I told him that I was going to ask him questions and if he didn't say either "Lord Licroce" or "Candy Land" as the answer I would tie him up again.  I asked him "what is your favorite toy to play with your brother?", when he replied "Lincoln Logs", I celebrated him (because this is something he normally does not do), and then Lord Licorice acted "angry" and tied  him up again because he didn't say "Candy Land".  James LOVED it!   Over and over again he answered questions with his own opinon to see Lord Licorice get worked up and to break free from the tape.

So, there are several lessons to be learned here.  First of all, kids love big reactions, so getting angry and worked up over something they did, may just be exciting for them and encourage them to do it again. So save the big reactions for the playroom and when celebrating.  2 - When my initial game didn't work out, I didn't push it on James or give up.  Instead I went with James biggest current motivation and found a way for the game to work for him.  3 - I waited until he was really motivated until I worked on his challenges  4 - Once he was really motivated it wasn't very challenging for him to work on his "challenges"

Play is so powerful for all of us, and specific games can be really helpful in working on challenges.  However we must also be flexible and willing to try new paths to connect, because often times the most powerful games arise in the moment, when we are most in tune with our child.

Happy playing!
love,
Katrina

Joey is my brother in law.  He is 26 and lives with his fellow special friends in a group home in North Dakota.  He doesn't talk much, and mostly communicates through grunts, pulling you in different directions, or hugs. He has a lot of physical challenges, he shakes his head a lot, and its not very easy to tell where he is looking. He is awesome!

Joey and I were able to reconnect a couple of weeks ago right before Christmas.  My family (my husband and daughters) decided that in order to really connect with Joey we needed to get him away.  There are too many distractions around the family house and his group home, and there are usually many other things to do, which stop us from really spending quality time.  So, we rented a cabin a few hours north near the Canadian border.  It had a big fireplace and 3 large futon couches that converted to beds. It also had a large table, a small boombox and a kitchen and bathroom. Outside it was just us, a forest, and a lake.  It was the perfect getaway.

Now to be totally fair it was not very non-distracting.  It was a large simple cabin, but we had 5 people in it, including 2 toddlers.  The girls quickly decorated the place by taking out every piece of plastic kitchenware and setting it up on the many coffee tables (each futon had its own table).  They then "made food" for everyone and tried to feed Joey.  Joey isn't really into pretend food.  So when he didn't respond to my daughter's demands that he eat,  it was the perfect opportunity to teach my 3 year old about bonding with Uncle Joey by playing his games first.  We had fun doing the "Joey shuffle" and noticing how comforting it was to stand with our backs against the wall.   We even practiced what it would be like to not talk, and how would we get people to know what we wanted?

Joey loved the attention, but he really needed it to be on his own terms.  When we turned on the music and started to dance (one of Joey's favorite activities), he would dance with me, but not his nieces.  I taught my daughters that Uncle Joey needed time to get used to new ideas and that we could help him, by telling him what we were hoping would happen and giving him lots of time to respond.   I picked up my youngest (pictured above) and asked Joey if he would like to dance with her.  Joey quickly dropped my hands and backed himself up against the wall.  I told him that was totally okay by me, but we would be right here if he wanted to try.  We didn't move for a few moments, Joey came back to us of his own free will and started playing with my daughter's shoulder as he moved back and forth.  Joey was dancing with her!   I was so surprised as he continued to join in all of our activities all night long, as long as we gave him lots and lots of time to respond on his own.

I was also amazed at how often Joey initiated activities and getting his needs met, by coming up to me and taking my hand.  Joey is a slow mover and when I'm not working with Joey, I often had other things on my mind and didn't always take the time to see what he wanted.  On this night, I really was paying attention to Joey. When he would come to me, he would grab my hand or shoulder, but he wouldn't move right away.  I would ask him what he wanted, and wait.  Sometimes he would move right away, other times it took him minutes to respond, but I just waited.  Every single time he would eventually lead me to something: food, the bathroom, the music, the couches.   In the past Joey usually seemed okay to go with the flow, but this was the first time I had ever seen Joey really initiating interaction with me when we were not in a playroom.  It was amazing, and I wondered how often he is trying to communicate, but no one is listening.

As an autism play therapist, I have worked with hundreds and hundreds of children and adults with special needs.  I have seen the power of "the pause" before, but I don't think I ever really understood it until this past Christmas.  Every person has their own processing time, and some take much much longer than others.  If we can really be present with our children and happily wait until their brains and bodies are caught up, I wonder how many amazing things they can show us they are already capable of!

 I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and that 2013 will be an even more amazing year than the past one!
Best wishes,
Katrina

Hey everyone,

We often laugh in my office as I rehash events that took place in people's playroom, but today I couldn't stop laughing enough to tell the story. I had brought in a game I had made, including a book titled with stickers that said "SUPER SPELLS". However when I first walked in, the beautiful boy from England was holding himself and wiggling. I offered him the toilet, when he looked at me I again reminded him that he could put his pee in the toilet (pee being an American word, English folk might say wee). He said "P?" I said yes, let's go put our pee in the toilet. He then proceeded to take the letter P off of my spell book and put it in the toilet! I had to giggle, it was so sweet.

My friend with autism has been so literal this week that it has been a challenge for him to stretch his imagination to symbolic play. I was often told today that objects were not what I was saying they were. "That is not a fire hose, it's a drum stick", "that is not a map, its paper", "that is not a screw driver its a bubble wand". Every time I would agree with him, and suggest we could pretend it was the new object. Most of the time that idea was shot down. This did not mean I could not try again. What I love about the  playroom is that the child always has full control, but I can always try again later! And even if it doesn't happen today, there is always tomorrow!

Wishing you all a fun and persistently challenging day!
love,
Katrina